March 24, 2006

• 
  

  ~Grace Under Pressure~ Bah. I hate that phrase.     Well, I hate it when in the midst of a “pressure” situation that requires expressing the grace that my flesh does NOT want to extend. Extending grace is definitely an act of will driven by assistance of the Holy Spirit, because it isn’t flesh driven     For your entertainment today is the following situation. Names have been withheld so as not to show the utter stupidity of some person’s words and actions. ::insert bared teeth here::     Last week one of my closest friends told me of a comment made to her by a woman that goes to her church, a church we went to until God showed us we were supposed to be helping with the church plant. I know this woman peripherally, as she knows myself and my husband peripherally because Michael and I were on the Worship Team at church. Because we were up front. people “knew” us even though we didn’t know them, as people often think they “know” people who are a visible position.     OK. Got that? Clear as mud?     Let us name this play’s Players. For purposes of this discussion my gf will be Friend. The gal who is the object of my ire, errr… angst will be Gossipy.     Friend’s youngest daughter and Gossipy’s youngest are playmates. This is the reason Friend has contact with Gossipy though Gossipy is far from being one of Friend’s favorite people. For the sake of Friend’s youngest girlie, Friend tolerates Gossipy’s company on occasion that the two girls play together. Gossipy has an abiding tendency to be one who passes judgment quickly, wags her tongue frequently, and, unfortunately, is one of those “church ladies” who is incredibly uptight and legalistic and has no problem sharing her “gospel” to whomever happens to have the occasion to be in range to be preached to.     On a bright sunny day a couple of weeks ago, Friend’s girlie and Gossipy’s girlie cooked up plans to spend this particular Saturday playing at Friend’s house. Gossipy agreed to ferry her child to Friend’s house so the wee ones could frolic in the sunshine, thus giving a bit of freedom from mom-ness to Friend and Gossipy. What follows is a somewhat dramatized but accurate transcript of Friend’s and Gossipy’s initial conversation of the day. ““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““` :: Our curtain opens on a doorbell ringing…Friend’s girlie opens door to Gossipy and Gossipy’s girlie. Girlie 1 and Girlie 2 run off to frolic in the sunshine :: Friend: Hi! Come on in! How are you today? Gossipy: Hi there. I am doing well. Isn’t the weather lovely? ::Gossipy looks at Friend more closely and her expression changes quickly:: What is that you have on? ::Friend looks down:: Oh, my hoodie? This is from my friend Mike’s band…Dwell. ::Gossipy sniffs:: Oh well…have you _listened_ to them? ::Friend: Well, yes, of course! I love their music. You know Mike…he and Kathie were on the Worship Team at church…you know Kathie, with the red hair? Its her husband Mike’s band. ::Gossipy makes disapproving face:: Oh yes…I know who they are. ::Friend pauses in confusion and then continues:: I love wearing this shirt. I have people stop me all the time and ask me about it…ask me about the band. Its a great witness! ::Gossipy’s frown deepens and she sniff’s again:: Well, I think they are just terrible. Just horrible! Have you seen their website? Well, yes of course.:: Friend is getting more deeply confused by the second:: I send people there all the time to hear their music and so they can see where they will be playing next. They are a Christian band. I don’t see what the problem is…??? ::Gossipy’s frown is now so deep that it is nearly touching her collar bone:: Well their website is terrible! Horrid! Its Satanic…ungodly ::Gossipy is near in a lather with her emphatic declarations of Dwell’s website’s overwhelming evilness:: It just breaks my heart! I have known the girl in the band since she was a tiny thing…and ::Gossipy pauses to blot her eye:: I just don’t understand how she could be involved in such a thing! Her makeup is terrible! Her eyes are all black! ::By this point Friend has Gossipy’s number and is more than a bit irked:: I really don’t see what the issue is, Gossipy. They are ministering to a group of people who like a certain style of music. ::Gossipy continues as if Friend never spoke:: It just breaks my heart! Did you know they are playing in .. in .. BARS! That’s right! That little girl is playing that music ::Gossipy sniffs:: in BARS! Did I tell you I have known her since she was just a wee thing? ::Friend murmers:: Yes you did mention that. Well the whole thing is ungodly…demonic I tell you! It just gives me chills to look at that website. ::Gossipy has herself worked up to a right tiff at this point:: Friend somehow manages to change the direction of the conversation and arranges a time for Gossipy to pick up her girlie. ::Close Curtain:: ““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““““`     Friend tells me about said conversation the following Monday when we went out to have dinner and see a movie. Knowing this woman’s predilection to gossip and judgment my initial response was wry amusement and a shake of my head at her response.     The more I thought about it, the more it gnawed at me. It wasn’t so much that she was cutting my husband’s band…I really didn’t care about that. Why on EARTH would a stuffy, uptight “church lady” have even the remotest interest in hard rock? Even when it was Christian hard rock. She wouldn’t…anything harder than Sandi Patti probably doesn’t pass her pristine ears…and you know, that is FINE! Everyone likes different styles and there is not a thing wrong with that! I can even understand her not liking the music or the style. I can understand her not understanding or getting it. That is not the issue at all, let me assure you.     There were several things that I realized the longer I thought about what she had said and done. First of all, this woman wasn’t calling into issue the music, she was calling into issue the band member’s Christian walk and spiritual health. She was judging every one of the band members and their salvation because of her own narrow view of godliness and holiness. A view that had nothing to do with scripture, and nothing to do with truth.      Second she was judging the young woman in the band of being “ungodly” because she had on….black eyeliner. ???????????????    WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ABOUT? I can’t even go there and be respectful so I will stop now.     Third she has her facts wrong and is gossiping and spreading lies and slandering the band members. The person to whom she was spreading them at the time knew the truth of it all, but to who else has she spread these lies and slander? If there is anyone that is engaging in ungodly behavior and being under demonic and satanic influence it would be someone that is being divisive and engaging in something that scripture expressly says God abhors. Funny how that sin escaped her notice as she was engaging in it.     Fourth, this woman is supposedly a close friend of the mother of the girl in the band. The mom has told me several times how “close” a friend she is with Gossipy. As I heard the story of Gossipy’s gossip and judgment, my heart ached for the woman who believed herself a close friend to this woman. What kind of friend would so casually toss out gossip and judgment on the daughter of such a close friend?     Not only has this had me irritated all week because I CAN NOT STAND this type of legalistic and narrow-minded attitude, I am angry for the “friend” that has been betrayed. At this point, what my flesh would like to do is call up the “friend” and tell her that there is a problem and she needs to talk to Gossipy, sparing no details. I would also like to call Gossipy and arrange to meet her in a public place and discuss her “issues”. Isn’t that what scripture says to do when a brother offends you? You are to go to them, right? Then if she has an unrepentant attitude I would love to bring her before a pastor….call her right out on the carpet.     *sigh* The reality of it is that 1.) If I call Gossipy, then it is going to cause trouble for Friend, because of Girlie 1 and Girlie 2 being friends. 2.) If I do confront Gossipy then there is going to be fallout that is going to affect these two innocent children. 3.) It is also going to put Friend in an awkward position because she was the one that Gossipy gossiped to. I don’t think it is fair to put her in the middle and her have to deal with the fallout from all of it. 4.) As for going to the “friend”, I don’t know the woman terribly well, though the few times I have spent time with her we enjoyed spending time together. How do you go to someone you only know peripherally and say “Hey, I hate to tell you this, but your so-called close friend not only is of the opinion that your daughter is demonic and ungodly but she is spreading those lies around”. *sigh*     So, here I sit “under pressure”. The anger I feel is righteous, I have no doubt of it. The people in the band are the nicest, godliest people…and they have such a heart for the lost, and that is at the heart of every bit of music they do. ANYONE who knows my husband thinks he is awesome…and they would be right about that! Mike is not only a terrific man but a terrific friend, and he loves the Lord unreservedly. This man is the father of my child and my husband of 16 years. This woman trashed my husband because she is biggoted and narrow minded and that just PISSES me off. Would she have spewed out her vomit in front of my 11 year old daughter?     The fact that Gossipy judged them and found them “lacking” doesn’t bother me from the aspect that her opinion matters one whit, but that what kind of damage is she doing to their ministry that they are working so hard on? Because they don’t fit her personal mold of what a “true Christian” is, I suppose, leaves them wanting and in need of “salvation” from their “ungodly pursuits and influences”. BAH.     What Gossipy fails to realize is that if someone is anointed and is called to minister, those who stand in their way or hinders their ministry are calling judgment down upon themselves. I am praying and sitting back. I am seeking God’s wisdom as to whether to speak or hold my counsel. I refuse to open my mouth without knowing without a doubt that I am in God’s will by speaking up about what this woman has done. Its not due to lack of boldness, let me assure you, nor is it a fear of confrontation with Gossipy. I, I assure you my fine readers, would relish it. And it SURE as heck isn’t because I care about what she thinks or what would happen if I confronted her. I could without a doubt skin, filet and fry her before she knew what hit her. ::bares teeth again::     But that is my flesh response, and not the proper response to a Grace Under Pressure situation.     I also know that when God reprimands her for her attitude it isn’t’ going to be pretty, and she likely isn’t going to have a clue that the reason the crap hit the fan is all….her…own…fault. She is going to be reaping what she sowed.    God gave me a big mouth and the ability to project my voice. I want to be more than a clanging symbol.. I want to be in His will even in a situation when there is more than one choice on how to respond. Grace is the giving of mercy or clemency, a temporary reprieve to someone. It is also the giving of mercy when it isn’t deserved or earned.    I have been the recipient of Grace. It is a whole lot easier to accept than to extend. Good thing God wasn’t as reluctant as I am to extend Grace to those undeserving of it. Otherwise I would be in a world of hurt.                                                                       Til next time…                                                                 Kathie   P.S. If you would like to visit the website of hubby’s and bud’s band, and “judge” for yourself, go to http://www.dwellonline.com. Be aware it is hard rock, so if it isn’t your thing you will NOT like it.    And that’s ok. ) That doesn’t offend me one bit.     Just promise not to gossip about it.

  • 12:39 am
  • 6 Comments