August 5, 2005

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  Pet Peeves ...( you are hereby notified of possible foaming at the mouth in the following post)    Do you have pet peeves? I am going to assume that you probably have one or two, as most of us have have had them at one time or another. Some of us have minor pet peeves: the toothpaste being squeezed in the middle, wet towels left on the floor, lights left on in empty rooms, cigarette butts left in glasses *ooch...that is one of mine...thank heavens no one in my inner circle smokes*, shoes left lying about, that sort of thing. Most of these are benign, incidental things. The reason why they are pet peeves is usually because they are minor behaviors people around us have that irritate us to the point where we become twitchy. Ranting usually follows the one of the aforementioned behaviors when it happens for the 101st time, followed by yelling and sometimes the tossing across the room of the offending objects. ::insert innocent look here...who me? ...though there was the one time with a pair of purple size 4 girl's flip-flops that I turned my ankle on, but we won't go there..ugly...very ugly...::    I don't have many pet peeves of the ones mentioned above...the ciggy butts in cups and plates grossed me out in a most indescribable way growing up. My mother was a smoker. I HATED when she did that and wasn't able to break her of the habit. I don't care where the tube of toothpaste is squeezed, as long as I can find it when I need to use it. Generally shoes in our house stay on the ceramic tiles by the entrance door, or in the basket, else they are a hazard to keeping ankles intact. Wet towels rarely find their way to the floor here, because everyone knows they get moldy and that is ... just...too...nasty. My husband is the one who does light patrol throughout the rooms so I never have a chance to let that bother me.    Now I do have a few minor things that drive me to twitchin'. Repeating myself when I have asked someone to do something makes me absolutely livid. Ok, that is an issue I have obviously. But if you are looking at me and hear me when I am speaking to you, and acknowledge that I just DID speak, why should I need to say everything...again...that I just said? And probably again? And in the midst of it remain civil and not turn into the proverbial Irish banshee? Ooo that drives me NUTS.    See what having a tween does to a formerly sane woman? EGADS.    Another minor pet peeve I have is that I can't STAND when someone asks a question and then when I give an answer they say "Are you sure?"    Yes I am sure.   "Are you sure because *insert reason X, Y, or Z..."    I am pretty sure I said ::insert yes or no here:: and that I said it was fine.   " But are you reaaally sure because..."    At that point I am probably gritting my teeth and trying to not explode with impatience, because for danged sure I know they heard my answer and is there something in my demeanor that makes them think that I am either addled, simple, or in need of remedial teaching? I was asked a question, I gave an answer. I was sure about what I said when I said it because at 39 I have a pretty good command of English, my native language, which we were speaking by the way. Why is it that you have to repeatedly ask me if I am sure that I meant what I said? If you are unsure about your own answers that is fine, but I gave you my answer SO SHUT IT OFF ALREADY. I know often the repeated questioning is done out of concern and care but GREAT HEAVENS ABOVE that irritates the bejeebers out of me.   I have some other pet peeves that are closer to the median than the minor. People who don't use turn signals to change lanes or turn set my teeth on edge ::OH I guess Chevy trucks are now made with optional turn signals in the 2004 and 2005 models, eh?::. Drivers that have the flipping cell phone stuck up against their head and have NO CLUE they are driving. Well they sure as heck don't ACT like they remember they are driving! If it is that important...PULL THE STINKIN CAR OVER AND MAKE YOUR CALL! Or maybe buy a headset. Get a dash clip so the phone can be used hands free. But it is abundantly clear that you REALLY STINK at multitasking, and I don't have the money to replace my vehicle, and neither my family members nor I have spare body parts. PUT THE DURNED PHONE DOWN AND CONCENTRATE ON DRIVING!   Guess that is definitely more than a minor pet peeve...look at all those capitol letters!   Oh I know another one... RUDE people in checkout lines in stores.   We have all been there: stuck behind a slow person, in a line where the register is acting up and the poor salesperson is stymied, the person in line just happens to have issues, or maybe even they are taking an inordinately long time to do what appears to be a simple task. We all realize what is going on. But why do Rude Robbie and Raunchy Rhonda have to stand behind me grouching and pitching a fit and mumbling under their breath. Look...you got issues with someone? Stand up and speak it! Have the cohunes to speak up and voice your disapproval. But you won't DO that will you ole grumpy pants? NO...because you will look like a full blown BOOB. Everyone knows it is taking too long. You really aren't the ONLY one hear after all. Why do you have to make everyone else miserable with your nasty kibitzing? You got a problem, move to another line, but stop grouching in my ear. You are in my bubble. You are invading my personal space with your nastiness. BACK OUT OF MY BUBBLE BUDDY!!!! I was happy til you stepped into my bubble with your grouchin'...STEP OFF.   I guard my bubble closely. No mumblers, cell phone abusers or cigarette-butt-in-dish people allowed in my bubble.    I have a more serious pet peeve which had I, unfortunately, had the occurrence to experience this past week.    I think my biggest pet peeve is dealing with the aftermath of people who call themselves Christians who pick and chose what parts of the gospel to employ in their daily lives, and what parts of the Gospel they chose to employ when dealing with others. To clarify, because this is disjointed and as clear as mud...read further...    They think they are acting Godly. After all, they are "guarding the flock", they are "fruit inspectors", and lets not forget ye olde "being an encourager for behavior that glorifies God."    I seem to recall the Pharisees making the very same claims. The Pharisees were quite proud of the fact that they could stand back and point out the wrong doings of those around them. They took great pleasure in not only informing that...that... sinner of his/her sin, but doing so in a public forum. Christ has something to say about this action...   This week I stood on the edges of a group of women and watched stones being thrown at a close friend of mine. She doesn't fit any standard mold that these women want her to fit. She is saucy, she is brassy...she is often irreverent, boisterous and flowery in her language. The Lord saved her out of a life of drugs and abuse, both self imposed and imposed on her by those around her. She is an original...created by God and He loves her JUST the way He created her. She loves God in a way these women will never understand, because she doesn't use churchese, and because she is her own person. An individual. Real. A rebel. She is who God made her, and won't change that to please them. She will not stop enjoying what she enjoys because they tell her not to. Legalistic views about what Christians are and aren't don't enter her personal "bubble". She is who she is.     They... can't... stand... it.   It drives them absolutely mad because she won't kowtow to their legalistic finger pointing, and they refuse to respect her and agree to disagree on matters that are not eternal, and that are matters of personal conviction, not Biblically mandates.   It seems that almost quarterly, and usually on the full moon, a few ladies on this particular e-list decide to engage in a good ole fashioned round of stone hurling. Generally my friend, being that she is who she is, is the one who has the bulleseye painted on her backside. This past week, the stones were hurled over the use of words and phrases deemed unChristlike, not pleasing to God and inappropriate for a Christian women's e-list, initially by one woman in particular, and then by a disharmonious joining in of others. These ladies rallied around this public flogging quicker than they respond to requests for prayer, faster than a response to a report of a broken bone, and faster than a "me too" when a gal makes a statement about craving chocolate. That's right my friends....my friend was publicly dragged through the mud and chastised for using the word...*looks round to see who's listening* freakin'   Yes...freakin. As in "Those freakin' people are making me crazy!" and "I am so freakin' mad I could SCREAM!"   OK...I will give some of them the benefit of the doubt. Yes, I understand that freakin' is a nominal swear word to some. But when you have a large group of people who live in varied areas, come from a variety of cultures, backgrounds and ages, you need to realize that not everyone is going to think, act and BE just like you. It doesn't mean that those who don't fit YOUR mold, your mold mind you, not Christ's, are wrong in being who they are, but it might mean that you and I, may need to pause a moment and reexamine what we think about someone, their actions, and often their words. Are they really uncouth and rough  Or are they just being who they are, from where they grew up from the culture they are in. Not everyone speaks churchese...and how presumptuous to assume that they aren't "all they can be in Christ" because they aren't just like all the North American church ladies.   Now all this said, there is definitely a place for going to someone with concerns or issues. This is Biblically mandated and is extremely important. BUT PEOPLE....it is NOT to be done in public! You don't tear someone down in front of their peers in order to "build them up"! This is addressed in Matthew 18...if you have an issue with a brother who has sinned against you, then go to him in private about it. I doubt there is a one among us who could handle public disdain without feeling wounded, and what an addition of insult to injury by assuming someone being wounded by public chastisement is too self centered.     This is the part of the Gospel that these "sisters" so conveniently decided to forgo. And when I pointed this out  I was either ignored, told I was being "cliquey" (yeah I loved being called cliquey because I don't bitch at someone in publicblike was being done and I stand up for the person) or blown off totally with excuses of "it wasn't meant to be mean spirited". Can we talk about unChristlike behavior unbefitting a Christian women's e-list??!!     Look... sin is sin. Whether you meant to do it or not isn't the issue. The issue is that you refuse to acknowledge your own problems, yet you are more than willing to not only point out what you perceive as someone else's sins or wrongdoing, but you do so in a way that is hurtful, directly against Christ's teachings and then claim to do so to glorify God. Cliquey my great aunt Mabel.     When something like this occurs it reminds me of the terrorism going on world wide.It is like dropping a grenade in a plaza full of people because you are mad at the man who spit on the statue of the town hero. You might hit the man, but you are more likely to destroy the statue and the plaza in the process, along with a bunch of other people who were standing by when the grenade went off...collateral damage? Oh well so sorry...     For the last 22 years I have watched people who define themselves by their Christian walk make the horrible mistake of crucifying someone for what they perceive as sin. Whether they are sins or not isn't the issue here...what is the issue is how we address what we see as a problem. Is it done in a loving and compassionate way *as Christ did*, with an eye towards not only correction and growth, but also an eye towards mercy and grace *again like Christ*? Or is it the usual rushing in with outraged sensibilities, making sure that this person knows what they have done wrong and are told about it * erm, way NOT like Christ*?  I have seen so more people who have been driven away from God, from fellowship of other believers, and from seeking what God has for them from this "righteous" and misplaced behavior than I have seen embrace what is brought in in the form of correction. Obviously this method is highly ineffective in application. In examining the scriptures, and seeing how Christ is portrayed, what his actions entailed in bringing the lost to him, and in correcting saints who were in sin, I never saw him lambaste people with legalism while rallying 20 others around to add "yeahs" and "me toos".     This is my biggest pet peeve in life: people dispensing rules and correction, without discernment, without wisdom for the situation. And on top of it claiming that that is what God wants them to do.   I have a bad taste in my mouth this week...and it has nothing to do with cups and plates used as ashtrays, repeatedly being asked "Are you sure?", or people in $50K SUVs who have cell phones epoxied to their left ear. Its going to take a long time to wash the taste of this out...   I am guarding my bubble a bit closer today. I think I will add "no self righteous legalism allowed" to those who aren't allowed in my bubble. If its going to burst I want it to burst with joy...not because of the prickliness of uninvited judges.                                                                                                                                                                               ~Kathie

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