May 16, 2007

• Its In The Bag    So let me tell you a bit about my home.    Its a 230+ year old farmhouse in semi-rural Harford County, Maryland.    It has a stone foundation, a stone cellar with a concrete floor, a walk up attic with three cool Paladian windows *arched windows for those who wonder what the heck Paladian windows are*, 5 bedrooms *one of which is in the center of the upstairs and is used as a closet because they didn't put closets in old homes*, two stair cases, and a black rat snake as a long-time resident.   Yes, you did read that correctly. A Black Rat Snake. In The House. Long time here Hrm.   Old houses with stone cellars are notorious for attracting snakes and rodents. Rodents come in through the ubiquitous crevices between the rocks in the foundation and snakes soon follow. Our resident black snake has been here for at least 4 of the 5 years we have had the house, and I suspect it may have been here prior to our knowing it was resident. Last year we didn't see the snake at all, so we assumed that one of the hawks, eagles or foxes had a nice snack of our slithery friend. I missed his/her rodent dispatching but figured that no-see-em-means-no-longer-here. We would see the snake in the attic or cellar once or twice during the warmest part of the year. One time it was in the laundry room on the main floor. Another time it was in the attic and Michael captured it and took it out to the apple trees. I informed him that taking a snake 100 yards out of the house wasn't going to do a bit of good at discouraging said snake from returning from whence it came. Whence being The House. Our house. Not the snake's house. But obviously the snake doesn't understand that fact.   Yes it returned. But I didn't see it at all last summer. Buh Bye Snakie.   But wait, there's more!   Today Michael went upstairs and went to walk into the closet from our room. He thought a long belt was lying on the floor and reached down to pick it up *light was off*. Then the "belt" moved. OH HOLY CRAP. He comes hoofin' it down the stairs saying "I need a sack. I need a light. I need SOMETHING. There is what I think is the longest snake I have ever seen in the closet."   We go back upstairs and the SNAKE IS GONE! Ok... there are FOUR doors out of this closet/room...and all of them were open. So did it go into our 16x28 bedroom? Did it go into the music room full of instruments and curl up in a sound hole of a guitar? Did it go into Brenna's bathroom and then into her room? Did it go down the old stairs into the living room, dining room, breakfast room or the other three rooms downstairs? Did it go through that same door and go into the back bedroom or up the attic stairs?   At this point I realize there is a serious disadvantage to having a large home.   Damn reptile.   We searched. We found nothing. Took two of the dogs up to sniff around and they found nothing.   Me? I am having thoughts of waking up in our warm water bed with a snake curled up next to me. In the attic or cellar is fine. In my bedroom? Not so fine. Somewhere downstairs where we spend the bulk of our time BAREFOOT (we don't wear shoes in the house in an effort to keep the carpets un-scungey)? NOT so fine.   See my friends, this is not a small snake like the lil fingerlings I see in the gardens. No, this is a big, long intimidating looking and heavy Black Rat Snake about 7 feet long.   That is a lot o' freaking snake.   So we went back downstairs to the family room and proceeded with finishing watching Night at the Museum. Today was a rainy, stormy day, so it was designated Sluggin' and Movie Day.   About 1/2 way through the movie the puppy starts barking this deep growly warning bark. I turned around to see the snake crawling from the breakfast room into the family room over top of the homeschooling books.  My first thought: OH MANNNN please don't crap on my books! Ewwww. Second thought: Dayummmm that is one big freakin' snake.    Then I said GRAB THE DOGS. Grab a blanket! Get on leather gloves. I grabbed the phone to call animal control "why ? I have no idea!". Brenna got all three dogs on leads. Becca and I ran out to the van to get the stuff sack from the van *it had a sleeping bag in it that we took to the beach yesterday. Beach blog coming next!*.    I broke a nail getting the sleeping bag out of the bag. Dammit. And ouch.   So Michael tackles the snake with the blanket. The snake strikes him in the leg, but thankfully hits his boot. He pins the snake to the ground and is almost hyperventilating from the adrenalin. Going Ew Ew Ew why am I doing this? ROFL   He finally pinned the snake behind its head and I picked up its body and dropped it into the stuff sack. Then snakey went on a lil ride.   No I didn't kill it. We drove it up the road to Rocks State Park.   Gee... a sack! I wonder what is in the sack...   Oh look! The sack is open *peer*. Oops don't peer too close...   Ahhh THAT is what is in the sack!     And its no longer in the sack. AND NO LONGER IN OUR HOUSE! We drove him up the road about 7 miles, over water, to Deer Creek in Rocks State Park. Enjoy the new locale Snakey. Parting is such sweet sorrow. NOT!!!                     ~Kathie

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