If ONLY I Could/Would Really Say What I Think...

   As Americans we live in the "land of the free and the home of the brave", or so I was taught in elementary school.

   Its patently obvious today that the bravery is needed more and more to remain free. Our words aren't "free" if they aren't politically expedient or if they ruffle feathers. It is getting so that not only are we going to be held accountable for the words we say (which is only right) but that we can be jailed, sued and labeled as pariahs. A recent example that come to mind are the firing of a member of the Maryland Governor's cabinet. The man in question is a staunch Catholic and his belief system is such that homosexuality is not just wrong but it is a sin, and he stated as much. Because of his position in the governor's cabinet, he was fired from his post.

   I guess the freedom to speak one's opinion is limited to what your boss feels is acceptable. Even in a place where one holds public office.

   I neither agree nor disagree that this gentleman should have spoken his opinion out loud, but I firmly believe that he has the right to speak it whether or not I or anyone else agrees. I also feel it was wrong that he was sacrificed on the alter of our present governor's political ambitions. He was fired simply because it wasn't conducive to the political atmosphere our present governor wishes to cull. Interesting, considering this governor's campaign was geared towards the conservatives in our state and he spoke our repeatedly about his personal faith and walk with God. What Mr. Ehrlich fails to realize is that he is cutting off his nose to spite his face. Once in office, he turned his back on the very public stands that he had taken while a Congressman in our county. He is seeking re-election in the next gubernatorial race. Who does he think is going to re-elect him?  He has turned his back on the things he promised the very people who put him into office, and those who would never vote for him sneer at him not only for his stand but his LACK OF standing firm to his once-spoken-so-strongly-of ideals.

  Riding the fence will get you splinters in THE MOST uncomfortable of places.

  Not only that but to remove them you are going to ask help.

  Yeah...plant THAT image firmly in your mind. I'll wait......

  ...

  ...

  ...

 OK...moving on...

 Recently in my area there has been a growing controversy at a church where I am very close to many people involved there. The pastor now in charge has gone mad bull, destroying ministries, tearing down good, godly people and the man just_doesn't_see the damage he is causing. People are not being fed, the Gospel is not being shared effectively and the Great Commission is definitely not being fulfilled. My heart is breaking but I see God moving and making plans for a better future in our area. Meanwhile, people are fleeing the assembly like rats fleeing a sinking ship.  I hope something happens and SOON to redeem this situation. God needs to be able to get back to His business. Right now, while God may be allowing all this to happen so that His purposes will ultimately be fulfilled, there is a lot of floundering and confusion being caused, people being hurt and there is no ministering going on. In spite of that I see the hand of God at work in individual lives. That is a wonderful thing to witness!

  In my own life I recently was on the receiving end of a pretty major conflict/accusation.

  Two weeks ago I received a call that someone needed to speak to my husband and myself, but was not told what it was about even when I asked. What it came down to in the meeting is that there is a differing of opinions and this person doesn't and can't see it any other way. No meeting in the middle, no discussing, its black and white and that is it. To them it is a sin issue when clearly it is cultural and a meat offered before idols situation. Ok, I am being cryptic but I want to remain above reproach in this whole situation and I don't want to cause a taking-sides he-said-she-said environment.  I love this person greatly and have nothing but respect for them, but we cannot and won't agree on this situation and because of it, it has caused a change for our family. I know that I am in God's will for my and my family's lives and cannot and will not change simply because of one man's opinion. I am not a man-pleaser and never have been, and I am not about to start now. Again, I have the utmost respect for the person with whom the disagreement occurred but I cannot agree with him and that is where it lies.  

  Sooo...what is freedom? We have freedom in Christ but also a responsibility to do things with that freedom that won't hurt others. Does that mean we will always please and agree with others? No, it doesn't unfortunately. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree on things that are not eternal truths. To often our own freedom is bound up by others' views and opinions. I am not talking Biblical truths that are inescapable, but about how cultural and "grey area" issues are interpreted and decided upon. Legalism, rules and other man-made do's and don't often keep us from from doing and having all the Christ has for us, just like the political climate in our country stifles our freedoms as Americans to speak out in freedom and liberty. We often have to be in the "land of the brave" and step out even when another would hold us back.

  I have been working over the last month or so to get my photography business off the ground and flying. Way-back-when *G*, I attended the University of Maryland for Visual Arts and Photography.Before I had Brenna 11 years ago I worked in customslabs and managed labs, have worked for 1/2 dozen or more photographers, shot weddings and portraits, etc.  God has provided for me the ways and means to be able to open a studio so I can do portraits, weddings, etc. and I am extremely psyched about it. I have been doing some portrait sessions and have asked a few friends/acquaintances to let me photograph them to build up my portfolio. I need lots of samples to put out there and I have been having fun doing sessions doing so. I am going to continue to seek God's will for myself and my family and eagerly await to see what He has in store for us. THAT my friends...is the ultimate freedom!

  Take a peek at my photography and let me know what you think: http://www.ArtBeatPhotography.photosite.com.

                                                            Til next time...

                                                                            Kathie

Things That Make You Go "Hmm..."

   Are people just weirder and stupider today than they were in times past, or is it that we have an uber efficient news distribution system that allows us to share in the utter insanity of people and the ridiculous and/or weird things that happen to them or that they do?

    I will leave you to ponder that while you read the following news stories:

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Teacher Allegedly Gives Student Some Pot

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Burned Man Says He Was Better Off Naked

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Couple Cited in Bizarre Fake Penis Case

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Police: Man Pulls Gun After Oatmeal Prank

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Boss Sued Over 'Breast Attention'

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Woman Has Grave 'Stolen'

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Harrods Boss Want to Become Clock-Mummy

                                                                              Til next time...

                                                                   Kathie

How To Lose a Mind in Forty Steps or Less

    How do you get along with lists? I don't
know about all of you, but making a list makes the tasks that need to be
done so concrete so..so...there that the list and items there-on
become obsessive to me.

    Once I start making a list, I can't
stop. I keep thinking of more and more things to add to it, because if I
don't add everything the list isn't complete. Complete is the
thing you know. Thus my brain goes into hyper drive and I keep thinking of
more things to add. Then that list spawns others. Then I lay awake at night
seeing those lists. My memory is on the order of photographic...once I have
written something down or see it in written form I never forget it. I will
literally wake at 4 a.m. and think "Bathroom needs a new coat of
paint...Floor in laundry room needs replacing...Water faucets outside need
to be bled...Need to weed the shade garden..." AHHHHHHHH. My brain will NOT
shut off. It's like a movie that keeps endlessly cycling and looping. A list
just makes it worse.

    I think I have issues.

    I have a pretty darned good memory, and
its a good thing since lists and I don't get along. Over the last several
years the only lists that I have typed would be for running errands all in
one day *generally involving things I don't do in the normal course of the
week* or for projects *there is a finite amount of things for that type of
list*. One example would be the laying of tile for our new Quadra Fire
pellet stoves. Oh, these stoves are gorgeous, but they are large, much
larger than the existing stove in our family room. In order to install the
new stove the tile pad where the existing stove is has to be broken up and
new cement board and new tile has to be laid. In the living room the stove
was an entire new install so that involved cutting carpet, laying cement
board and laying tile, then having my friend Tony, who is a contractor, come
in and cut through the 230 year old section of wall to run the vent
pipe. That project I finished several weeks ago and it looks mahvelous!
Pictures soon to be posted once the texturing and painting of the walls is
done and the room looks less like a war zone. Pieces for the redo of
Brenna's bathroom along with all the construction debris are littering the
room from stem to stern and it is maddening I tell you! But that is
story for another day...

  So in order to install the aforementioned pellet
stoves I had to have materials. I had to make a list, because unlike myself,
Mike is mighty big on list making and utilizing. He is also into written
directions to places, while I prefer a map. I definitely think our brains
are wired differently, and that is ok, we compliment each other well. This
man is an uber talented musician, has a servant's heart, I love him to
distraction, he is an amazing computer geek, and a terrific dad among other
things, but please do not send him to the grocery store for more than three
things without a list in hand.

  No it is not a joke. The man can remember near every
rock album recorded. He can tell you what music group recorded what when,
who did production on it, what the dude was wearing when he recorded said
album, but he can't remember more than three things when going to the
grocer. Its a running joke 'tween the two of us now, and no it doesn't
bother me. I just make him a list and if I don't feel compelled to do so he
always asks for one. That is, if he needs to get more than three items.

  So back to my last list. It was Saturday, so it meant
we would be going to Home Depot. Out of the last 52 Saturdays I kid you not
that we must have gone to Home Depot at least on 49 of them. Making our
list, Mike stuck it into his inside jacket pocket and we set out in the van
for the Big Orange Box store.

   Before we hit the end of the drive I remembered
something else that was needed. We were but a mile from the house when I
remembered something else. When we pulled in the parking lot there was yet
another item added to the list. After getting our carts and walking halfway
back to the tile aisle, I added yet another item.

  Mike was getting sick of pulling out his pen to add
to the list so he handed both to me.

  It took us about 45 minutes to gather all of our
tiling materials, during which time I remembered at least two more needed
items, and we then made our way towards the register *but Lordy NOT those
danged self-serve things...they are terrible in Home Depot! Half the items
don't ring up, they don't register as being bagged, and it beeps at you more
than Rosie the Robot from the Jetsons*. As we unloaded our carts I remembered
yet ANOTHER item...the trim to transition between the tile and the carpet.
Mike's face fell as he realized we might never leave Home Depot. I relented and said that since it was the
last thing to do, and since the stove had to be moved onto the tile after it
was dried and set, I didn't want the wood trim to get trashed anyway, so
let's just leave it til later.

  Shew. I told you. Lists are never complete if I am
around. Its a sickness. A SICKNESS!

  But what about those tiny lists in your head? You
know...the ones you make as you go throughout your day cleaning, working in
the yard, spiffying up the garage or removing oak leaves from the gutter?
Inevitably while in the middle of a task I remember something I HAVE TO
DO right then, so I have to halt what I am doing and move to take care
of this immediate need. The problem comes that when I walk about 40 steps
away from what I was doing, I forget WHAT THE HECK it was I was going to go
do.  ???????????? What in the WORLD???

  I know it was important. I know it is
something that HAS to be done. And I also know that standing in the
middle of a room going "What for the love of Pete am I in here for?" isn't
going to accomplish a danged thing. So I retrace my steps back to where I
was and stand with my hand on my forehead trying to dredge the task out from
under the sludge that it suddenly was buried under. AHA! Its back!

  What is it about that magical spot where I am
standing? Why is it when I am standing next to the privet hedge I was
trimming I remembered that the hose was still running out back, but when I
walked halfway round the house I had no idea why I was there?
Is there some special air next to the privet hedge that encourages my
memory, or is there a "fergit it now" spell on the far side of the house?

 And what about sitting at the computer and you
remember that you forgot to pull the steak out to thaw for dinner. So you
stand up, walk 22 steps into the next room and have NO freaking idea why you
are there?

  What about when you pick up the phone to call someone
because you have to tell them something, only to draw a complete blank when
they pick up the phone. In fact, it takes a moment for you to remember who
the heck it was  you called? Uhhhhhhh... ::yeah that sounds
intelligent and impressive...way to go Katt::

  Well I guess I could try to work on the whole
list thing again, but after a lifetime of being brought to distraction by
lists its a bit of a hard row to hoe on that one. Besides, if I had a list,
not only would I have to deal with endlessly adding things to it, when I
remembered something that needed to go on it and I stood up to go put it on
the list, before I got to the room where the list was I would have forgotten
that I was going to add something to it.

  Is there a group something on the order of List
Makers Anonymous? What about "Help for Those Who Have Lost Their Mind in
Forty Steps or Less"?  Send it to me if you know, but don't put it in
the form of a list. I would have to keep adding to it and we all know how
that would end.

  Or not...

                                                              
Til next time...

                                                                
          
Kathie

~Grace Under Pressure~

Bah.

I hate that phrase.

    Well, I hate it when in the midst of a "pressure" situation that requires expressing the grace that my flesh does NOT want to extend. Extending grace is definitely an act of will driven by assistance of the Holy Spirit, because it isn't flesh driven

    For your entertainment today is the following situation. Names have been withheld so as not to show the utter stupidity of some person's words and actions. ::insert bared teeth here::

    Last week one of my closest friends told me of a comment made to her by a woman that goes to her church, a church we went to until God showed us we were supposed to be helping with the church plant. I know this woman peripherally, as she knows myself and my husband peripherally because Michael and I were on the Worship Team at church. Because we were up front. people "knew" us even though we didn't know them, as people often think they "know" people who are a visible position.

    OK. Got that? Clear as mud?

    Let us name this play's Players. For purposes of this discussion my gf will be Friend. The gal who is the object of my ire, errr... angst will be Gossipy.

    Friend's youngest daughter and Gossipy's youngest are playmates. This is the reason Friend has contact with Gossipy though Gossipy is far from being one of Friend's favorite people. For the sake of Friend's youngest girlie, Friend tolerates Gossipy's company on occasion that the two girls play together. Gossipy has an abiding tendency to be one who passes judgment quickly, wags her tongue frequently, and, unfortunately, is one of those "church ladies" who is incredibly uptight and legalistic and has no problem sharing her "gospel" to whomever happens to have the occasion to be in range to be preached to.

    On a bright sunny day a couple of weeks ago, Friend's girlie and Gossipy's girlie cooked up plans to spend this particular Saturday playing at Friend's house. Gossipy agreed to ferry her child to Friend's house so the wee ones could frolic in the sunshine, thus giving a bit of freedom from mom-ness to Friend and Gossipy. What follows is a somewhat dramatized but accurate transcript of Friend's and Gossipy's initial conversation of the day.

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:: Our curtain opens on a doorbell ringing...Friend's girlie opens door to Gossipy and Gossipy's girlie. Girlie 1 and Girlie 2 run off to frolic in the sunshine ::

Friend: Hi! Come on in! How are you today?

Gossipy: Hi there. I am doing well. Isn't the weather lovely? ::Gossipy looks at Friend more closely and her expression changes quickly:: What is that you have on?

::Friend looks down:: Oh, my hoodie? This is from my friend Mike's band...Dwell.

::Gossipy sniffs:: Oh well...have you _listened_ to them?

::Friend: Well, yes, of course! I love their music. You know Mike...he and Kathie were on the Worship Team at church...you know Kathie, with the red hair? Its her husband Mike's band.

::Gossipy makes disapproving face:: Oh yes...I know who they are.

::Friend pauses in confusion and then continues:: I love wearing this shirt. I have people stop me all the time and ask me about it...ask me about the band. Its a great witness!

::Gossipy's frown deepens and she sniff's again:: Well, I think they are just terrible. Just horrible! Have you seen their website?

Well, yes of course.:: Friend is getting more deeply confused by the second:: I send people there all the time to hear their music and so they can see where they will be playing next. They are a Christian band. I don't see what the problem is...???

::Gossipy's frown is now so deep that it is nearly touching her collar bone:: Well their website is terrible! Horrid! Its Satanic...ungodly ::Gossipy is near in a lather with her emphatic declarations of Dwell's website's overwhelming evilness:: It just breaks my heart! I have known the girl in the band since she was a tiny thing...and ::Gossipy pauses to blot her eye:: I just don't understand how she could be involved in such a thing! Her makeup is terrible! Her eyes are all black!

::By this point Friend has Gossipy's number and is more than a bit irked:: I really don't see what the issue is, Gossipy. They are ministering to a group of people who like a certain style of music.

::Gossipy continues as if Friend never spoke:: It just breaks my heart! Did you know they are playing in .. in .. BARS! That's right! That little girl is playing that music ::Gossipy sniffs:: in BARS! Did I tell you I have known her since she was just a wee thing?

::Friend murmers:: Yes you did mention that.

Well the whole thing is ungodly...demonic I tell you! It just gives me chills to look at that website. ::Gossipy has herself worked up to a right tiff at this point::

Friend somehow manages to change the direction of the conversation and arranges a time for Gossipy to pick up her girlie.

::Close Curtain::

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    Friend tells me about said conversation the following Monday when we went out to have dinner and see a movie. Knowing this woman's predilection to gossip and judgment my initial response was wry amusement and a shake of my head at her response.

    The more I thought about it, the more it gnawed at me. It wasn't so much that she was cutting my husband's band...I really didn't care about that. Why on EARTH would a stuffy, uptight "church lady" have even the remotest interest in hard rock? Even when it was Christian hard rock. She wouldn't...anything harder than Sandi Patti probably doesn't pass her pristine ears...and you know, that is FINE! Everyone likes different styles and there is not a thing wrong with that! I can even understand her not liking the music or the style. I can understand her not understanding or getting it. That is not the issue at all, let me assure you.

    There were several things that I realized the longer I thought about what she had said and done. First of all, this woman wasn't calling into issue the music, she was calling into issue the band member's Christian walk and spiritual health. She was judging every one of the band members and their salvation because of her own narrow view of godliness and holiness. A view that had nothing to do with scripture, and nothing to do with truth.

     Second she was judging the young woman in the band of being "ungodly" because she had on....black eyeliner.

???????????????

   WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ABOUT? I can't even go there and be respectful so I will stop now.

    Third she has her facts wrong and is gossiping and spreading lies and slandering the band members. The person to whom she was spreading them at the time knew the truth of it all, but to who else has she spread these lies and slander? If there is anyone that is engaging in ungodly behavior and being under demonic and satanic influence it would be someone that is being divisive and engaging in something that scripture expressly says God abhors. Funny how that sin escaped her notice as she was engaging in it.

    Fourth, this woman is supposedly a close friend of the mother of the girl in the band. The mom has told me several times how "close" a friend she is with Gossipy. As I heard the story of Gossipy's gossip and judgment, my heart ached for the woman who believed herself a close friend to this woman. What kind of friend would so casually toss out gossip and judgment on the daughter of such a close friend?

    Not only has this had me irritated all week because I CAN NOT STAND this type of legalistic and narrow-minded attitude, I am angry for the "friend" that has been betrayed. At this point, what my flesh would like to do is call up the "friend" and tell her that there is a problem and she needs to talk to Gossipy, sparing no details. I would also like to call Gossipy and arrange to meet her in a public place and discuss her "issues". Isn't that what scripture says to do when a brother offends you? You are to go to them, right? Then if she has an unrepentant attitude I would love to bring her before a pastor....call her right out on the carpet.

    *sigh* The reality of it is that 1.) If I call Gossipy, then it is going to cause trouble for Friend, because of Girlie 1 and Girlie 2 being friends. 2.) If I do confront Gossipy then there is going to be fallout that is going to affect these two innocent children. 3.) It is also going to put Friend in an awkward position because she was the one that Gossipy gossiped to. I don't think it is fair to put her in the middle and her have to deal with the fallout from all of it. 4.) As for going to the "friend", I don't know the woman terribly well, though the few times I have spent time with her we enjoyed spending time together. How do you go to someone you only know peripherally and say "Hey, I hate to tell you this, but your so-called close friend not only is of the opinion that your daughter is demonic and ungodly but she is spreading those lies around". *sigh*

    So, here I sit "under pressure". The anger I feel is righteous, I have no doubt of it. The people in the band are the nicest, godliest people...and they have such a heart for the lost, and that is at the heart of every bit of music they do. ANYONE who knows my husband thinks he is awesome...and they would be right about that! Mike is not only a terrific man but a terrific friend, and he loves the Lord unreservedly. This man is the father of my child and my husband of 16 years. This woman trashed my husband because she is biggoted and narrow minded and that just PISSES me off. Would she have spewed out her vomit in front of my 11 year old daughter?

    The fact that Gossipy judged them and found them "lacking" doesn't bother me from the aspect that her opinion matters one whit, but that what kind of damage is she doing to their ministry that they are working so hard on? Because they don't fit her personal mold of what a "true Christian" is, I suppose, leaves them wanting and in need of "salvation" from their "ungodly pursuits and influences". BAH.

    What Gossipy fails to realize is that if someone is anointed and is called to minister, those who stand in their way or hinders their ministry are calling judgment down upon themselves. I am praying and sitting back. I am seeking God's wisdom as to whether to speak or hold my counsel. I refuse to open my mouth without knowing without a doubt that I am in God's will by speaking up about what this woman has done. Its not due to lack of boldness, let me assure you, nor is it a fear of confrontation with Gossipy. I, I assure you my fine readers, would relish it. And it SURE as heck isn't because I care about what she thinks or what would happen if I confronted her. I could without a doubt skin, filet and fry her before she knew what hit her. ::bares teeth again::

    But that is my flesh response, and not the proper response to a Grace Under Pressure situation.

    I also know that when God reprimands her for her attitude it isn't' going to be pretty, and she likely isn't going to have a clue that the reason the crap hit the fan is all....her...own...fault. She is going to be reaping what she sowed.

   God gave me a big mouth and the ability to project my voice. I want to be more than a clanging symbol.. I want to be in His will even in a situation when there is more than one choice on how to respond. Grace is the giving of mercy or clemency, a temporary reprieve to someone. It is also the giving of mercy when it isn't deserved or earned.

   I have been the recipient of Grace. It is a whole lot easier to accept than to extend. Good thing God wasn't as reluctant as I am to extend Grace to those undeserving of it. Otherwise I would be in a world of hurt.

                                                                      Til next time...

                                                                Kathie

  P.S. If you would like to visit the website of hubby's and bud's band, and "judge" for yourself, go to http://www.dwellonline.com. Be aware it is hard rock, so if it isn't your thing you will NOT like it.

   And that's ok. ) That doesn't offend me one bit.

    Just promise not to gossip about it.

Random
Thoughts

• I turned 40 last week. This week my body is falling apart.
  My back is HURTING and there is no reasonable explanation for it. Other
  than I turned 40. My right shoulder that I tore the rotator cuff on in the
  Fall suddenly is hurting *and by the by, I have NO idea HOW I did that one
  either...d'oh!*. And I have an additional ache that is too embarrassing to
  talk about.

• Add to that the fact that I fell
  over the edge of a &%ed rug walking into Rite Aid last Monday and think I
  tore a tendon in my right knee when I went face down onto said knee.
  UNfreakBELIEVABLE. I guess I should be thankful my leg is only hurting at
  this point if I bend it suddenly and fully. Yes, lawsuit keeps running
  through my head but I am rebuking it.

• My house is trashed and it is making me NUTS. My living
  room is in the process of the walls being textured *over top of a NASTY
  sprayed on orange-peel texture...lazy man's way of dealing with old
  plaster walls...grouch* to be painted, and we have stalled on it for the
  last 2 weekends while we worked on things outside. The breakfast room next
  to it is a storage house for construction items and the living room itself
  is holding pieces for Brenna's bathroom. AND HERE I SIT in pain unable to
  do a damned thing in either the living room or bathroom. Gah.

• My seedlings are THRIVING that I
  have started inside. This is my first year starting seeds inside in this
  volume and it is going INCREDIBLY well so far. WOOT! And the seeds I
  started outside are starting to sprout! YES! See
  
  http://www.wintersown.org for more
  information on sowing seeds outside in hellishly cold weather.

• I planted more seeds yesterday...three flats inside with
  mostly flowers and a few veggies. I planted 5 milk jugs full of seeds
  outside: 4 full of poppies *Flemish Antique, 2 jugs of White, and one of
  ummmm...I think it was a peony poppy in purple. I have planted so many
  seeds I can't remember! The last milk jug is a packet of seeds from the
  seed company that is full of annuals of various type. I am not much into
  "surprise" seeds, so I will plant those into different 4 inch pots after
  they come up and see what they are so I can plan where to plant them.

• I wonder if the county sheriff or
  the DEA are going to visit me for growing so many poppies?? I think I have
  dropped 4000 or so poppy seeds into various containers to grow.

• Yesterday I also transplanted some of the humungous
  zucchini seedlings, fair sized bush cuke seedlings and my *drool* seed
  dahlia seedlings into their own individual pots. Yes I planted WAY too
  many green and yellow zucchini. Yes, I am an idiot. Anyone in the Harford
  County area want to trade some plants in about a month???
  Anyone???
  

• I have a serious seed addiction. I just ordered more seeds
  off eBay. And some from Gurneys. I still can't find the seed geranium
  seeds I want. They are SO FREAKIN expensive! WHO in their right MIND
  thinks I am going to pay $15 for 15 seed geranium seed!!! GADS! I will
  wait and get them for 89c each at Home Depot. Or I will use the excuse of
  needing good priced plants to go up to Lancaster and get some when the
  time is right. Things are SO much cheaper there.

• Oh wait...the idea is to start plants from SEED so I can
  avoid the flats of seedlings at the home center and nurseries.

• HA!

•  I just found out that I could start my peas on St.
  Patrick's Day in my area. Dang it, now I am behind. *sniff*

• Mike is in the kitchen
  making a cappuccino from coffee exported from Italy *breaths in deep* Dang
  it I want one...why did I tell him to make me a cup of tea? :0(

• He just brought me the cup of tea.

• I just drank a third of his
  cappuccino. He took it away and left the room so I couldn't steal, erm...drink
  more of it.

• How the heck can I love cappuccino so much and really
  dislike regular coffee so intently?

• I started reading my subscriptions
  again this week. YEA! I have really missed it. My apologies to anyone who
  feels blown off.

• I added two new subs to my list today. I am a glutton for
  being behind in my reading, methinks.

• Weatherbug is flashing a warning of
  snow likely. WHATDAHECK? Today IS the first day of Spring?! Right? Right?!
  

• My daughter turned 11 St. Patrick's Day. No I do not feel
  old.

• The kid at the counter at WaWa "Ma'am'd" me two times in a
  row. Yea he is courteous.

• THAT made me feel maybe I
  looked my age. Well, at least I don't look the 20 or 19 he was. DUH.
  

• WHAT THE HECK does 40 look like anywho? Why am I worrying
  about it? Everyone's talk about caring so much about turning 40 has addled
  my brain. AH!

                                                              Til next
time...

                                                                
          
Kathie

YEAH SPRING!

    Crocuses
mean Spring right? WOOOOO

In that
case...welcome crocuses..and ALMOST welcome SPRING!

Just a few
more days until it is the OFFICIAL REAL

S
P
R
I
N
G

Til next time...

                                                                
          

Kathie

Picture Post

    I
haven't been terribly inspired to post anything significant. In light of
that...I haven't posted a darn thing!

   I have taken a few pictures
lately, and in the interest of keeping my Xanga some-what current I have
decided to make a picture post.

Y'all are proud o' me right? Right? Comon' gang I need some kudos here...
lol *pitiful I am ...begging for compliments and cheers*.

  So Sunday
was my 40th birthday. Not hugely eventful which was fine me

We went to Carrabba's for lunch/supper, and this was my main gift from
Michael and Brenna...

 
...a BEAUTIFUL teapot! I love teapots and collect them and they aren't just
beautiful but useful---I want kitschy things I can use, not just display.
Some months ago I took Michael into a local florist shop that has amazing
teapots. They have SO many gorgeous ones...I just go all agog from one to
the next. He took Brenna there and let her chose which to get for me and she
chose this one. Good choice! ) This will match my kitchen
wonderfully...whenever I get on the stick and start working on it that is.
HA! More projects. That makes 1000...and TWO!
 

  We had 18
inches of snow about a month ago...

   This is
what our house looked like after being buried in that much snow, and our
driveway is long enough to easily part 6 or 7 cars end to end. It is a LOT
of shoveling but while our neighbor was out plowing he took down some of it
two different times with his plow. That was a HUGE blessing let me tell you!

  Shia and
Perry loved the snow, but were so not thrilled about having to sit still for
pictures for a whole oh, 30 seconds. lol

  Oh
yeah...Shia loves the snow!

  She was
STANDING in the snow in this picture, by the way...well more standing ON it!
She is only about 16 1/2 inches at her shoulder, so the snow was up over her
back. This gives you a sense of how much snow fell in less than 24 hours.

 

  The next
week it was in the 50s. We have such weird weather here in Maryland!
 

 
...Shia and Brenna in the snow.

 
..Brenna snugglin' with her Perry bear. We have had him 1 year this week.
This dog has been such a sweetie! Its been a longish road for housebreaking
and for teaching him the joys of snuggling, skritchies, lovin' and sofa
warming. He now has it all down pat and is getting more and more friendly
towards new people. He has never been a dog to be afraid of, more a dog that
was very cautious around new people. Now when people come into the house he
greats them and demands his share of lovin'...as well he should!

  A great
imagination is a wonderful thing! Becca and Brenna decided to raid my
plastic bags in search of the latest game.

 
...um...not sure what it was but they dressed up in plastic bags and made
cardboard shields and swords.

  Lots of
Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia and assorted other fantasy books and
novels to foster a crazy...er...active imagination!

  Dang but
won't these be GREAT pictures on a couple of girls 16th birthdays?
muahahahhaa

   This
year I am starting seeds inside AND out. I have 192 cups of seeds outside
for winter-sowing (check out
www.wintersown.org
for more info on this) and so far 6 flats and a bunch of cups of seeds plus
3 more flats I am getting ready to plant inside. This year is going to be a
GOOD gardening year!

  This may
be too small to see, but do you see the flat black seeds in there in the
middle? Those are sprouts of a seed dahlia. They came up TWO DAYS after I
planted them! God made nature so amazing! This pot is now full of inch tall
babies. WOOT! Dahlias are EXPENSIVE people! I should get 20 plants out of
this easily...i think I may have spent $1.50 for this packet of seeds 2
years ago. I have been collecting seed from my favorite plants and being
quite gung ho about it.

 I have
spring fever in the FREAKIN' worst way. The sunlight and warm days were
reviving me...and BAM the temps went back into the 40s. March is nuts I tell
ya.

 
Yep..more seedlings! A bunch of them started sprouting 2 days after being
planted and even more are coming up now that it is 5 days after planting. I
see blue corn cockles, seed dahlias, black beauty carnations,
pansies...among other things.

 
I have 3 more flats to start inside and a bunch to wintersow yet. I hope
this wind calms down so I can start cleaning out my flower beds!

 
This is Becca's sister Rachel. Shout out to Rach for her 16th birthday this
week WOOOOOT!

  Tuesday I
gave her a sewing lesson. It was supposed to be a lesson on how to read a
pattern.

  It turned
into a lesson on "don't buy a pattern sized for a stretch knit and then buy
fabric that has NO stretch to it at all". We made a muslin for the shirt
first, I added darts under the bust, a zipper on one side under the arm,
re-sloped the pattern so it fit her through the shoulders down to the hips
and used a lot of seam tape *boy does this type of fabric ravel like mad!*
and showed her how to use a zig-zag stitch to finish the edge of ravel-y
fabrics on the inside.

  I think
the shirt came out awesome! There is enough fabric left over to make a nice
skirt to go with it. We'll have to find a cute pattern.

  She was
exhausted...we cut, sewed and altered alllllll afternoon.

  We'll do
it again...but next time with a pattern made for the fabric she purchased so
SHE can do more and remember better what I showed her. Meanwhile she got one
kickin' shirt out of her long afternoon!

  I want
one.

 
Darn...the pattern is sized for juniors! ;o) Guess I have to buy my own
pattern instead of borrowing the one she bought!

Til
next time...

                                                                
     


Kathie

So...Where's the Sunshine???

or

The Grass Isn't Always Greener in Smaller Jeans

    I have been in a funk lately. In part I pin it down to lack of sunshine. Considering the fact that the medical community is nigh on screaming "slather with sunscreen on every visible skin surface", "don't tan", "don't burn", "protect your eyes", etc., it is an odd thing to realize that Maryland's typical grey winter is sucking away my vitality due to lack of exposure to ENOUGH sunlight! I don't know why every year this same thing seems to catch me by surprse.Yearly, in the midst of the deepest part of winter I replay this same scenario to one degree or another although it seems worse this year. It may be because we have had a milder winter than the norm and I keep getting teased with sun only to have it jerked out of my grasp or because of losing weight my body is readjusting itself physically as the hormones stored in the burning off fat are released. 

  It could be because in less than two weeks I turn 40?

  Naw that isn't it.

  No now, really...I can virtually hear a collective "yeaaahhh righhhht" as y'all read this. I really don't care that I am turning 40. I didn't care when I turned 30 either. Or 20. I think 18 was THE milestone for me for some reason. After that, every year was just another number and it hasn't mentally made much of an impact on me since THE MAGICAL 18.

  I will say that I am going into my 40s *yuck...I don't like the sound of THAT phrase...hmm...ok maybe there is a mild impact...hehe* I FEEL BETTER than I have in at least a decade. I have lost a lot of weight in the past seven months: I have gone from a size 24 to a size 14-16 and I am aiming for a 10. I not only feel lighter physically but mentally. Suddenly, I am not the heaviest person in the room, which I had been for years. Now I can buy clothes in any clothing store I chose to walk into *well, aside from 5-7-9 but I am not broken hearted over that*. I now feel like I am "normal" and that I don't stand out in a crowd because of my size. Face it...overweight people are THE targeted group in society now. Ethnic jokes aren't de rigueur, gay jokes are passé' *well, til Brokeback Mountain came on the scene*, a joke that pokes at women shows one is unenlightened and jokes about men are demeaning. But tell fat jokes, pick on the fat kid, comment about the overweight person at the office and no one bats an eye. Because obese people carry their affliction on the outside, for some reason they are deemed failures, losers. gluttons, disgusting. "Oh she has such a pretty face, if only she would lose weight" is a phrase more commonly uttered today than "Gas prices are going up again".

  Maybe that is part of my funk. I am ecstatic that I have been able to lose this weight and am aiming for at least 30 more pounds, and perhaps more depending on how I look when I get to that point. Government weight charts be hung! The charts say at my height I should weight between 135 and 149 pounds. I am 5' 6" and carry a lot of muscle mass...if I get in the 130s like they say for my height I will probably wind up looking anorexic and frail. Anyway, I digress. My friends and those close to me are happy for me and my weight loss hasn't changed my relationships at all *except now I might start borrowing my friends' clothes ...hehe". What does bother me a bit is now that I am accepted back in with the "normies", those of a body size more accepted by those in society, is the comments I am hearing about overweight people. While looking at clothing patterns in Joann's ETC. a couple of days ago, a woman sitting across from me with her 11 year old daughter made a comment while looking at a pattern book. Coming to a section where the clothing was tailored towards women and girls who wear larger than a size 12, the model pictured was a "plus size" model and was wearing _maybe_ a 16. The woman lifts a page and says to the 11 year old daughter while tsking " Its a shame when the MODELS look fat".

  Yes I bit my tongue and didn't comment. I did look up at her briefly but she wasn't looking in my direction. Obviously I was "passing" as a normie in size, or was she _just_that_clueless_ and rude? Doesn't she know that being a bigot isn't very PC? *insert wry tone here*

  Yes I wanted to comment but in the interest of wanting to be able to return again and shop in my local Joann's I decided ripping the woman's head off wasn't the most prudent course of action.

   I realized then that I was "passing". I was passing for normal. Sitting there in my size 14 jeans I didn't look like the big-girl I had been for the past 20 years. My immediate reaction was that I wanted to reach over, slap that size 10 wearing woman so hard her gramma's teeth would ache and then  ask her "Do you realize what you just did? What if your daughter grows up to have weight issues? What seed did you just plant in her mind of how to think about and treat people who are over what is considered an "ideal" body weight? Why were you just so ignorant and cruel? "

  I also wanted to tell her "That model isn't fat...she is REAL..and she is beautiful, inside AND out. More beautiful than the ugliness you just showed in yourself!"

  Suddenly I realized that I had been shielded. My friends who are kind and loving never looked on me ill because of my weight. I have always dressed stylishly, trendy, funky...the artist in me coming out in my clothing. I have never let my weight inhibit me from looking good and feeling good about myself. I don't remember being the recipient of ignorant comments over my weight, not even in high school wear I was wearing a size 16. I realized then that my self-confidence and weight shielded me from the comments that many people receive due to their physical appearance.

  I may look more "normal" now that I can wear other than mom-jeans *those of you who watch Saturday Night Live get that reference doncha?* but inside I will always be the person who has been overweight through no fault of my own since I was 8 years old. I feel a bit like someone who has had a bird soil their shiny, brand new sports car. I cleaned it off but I'm pretty sure that eventually the kahkah is going to hit again.

  So here I sit in my now smaller jeans, waiting for the sun to shine.  I am confident that even with kahkah and bigots, the sun is going to shine again soon. I am going to throw me head back and soak it in...

  Pass the 40 sunblock, please? I know I am going to need it.

                                                                Til next time...

                                                                            Kathie